Saturday, February 13, 2010


I drove down to Georgia last Friday February 5th sporting a blue Toyota Yaris rental. It was rainy and drab, and my mother got me to Enterprise about 15 minutes late. She is not supposed to drive in the dark so thanks to the rainy weather we were a bit delayed getting there. But all was well, everything went smoothly and before I was shipped in a white van to another Enterprise location where my car awaited, I was able to grab my stuff from the the blue CR-V my mother drives and bid her farewell.

Friday February 5th I began to notice that I was a little ill with a sore throat. It took me about 4 hours and 22 minutes to my fathers house in Jasper arriving there around 12:45pm. I was hungry, but I had stopped at Taco Bell off 400 on the way; 2 bean burritos, and a cheesy fiesta potatoes. I had been expecting it to take a little longer because of the weather. My father and step mother Renee welcomed me warmly and really liked the car I brought with me. We sat and watched Ghost Whisperer, and then we played RockBand together. For dinner I took them to a pizza place in Jasper.

Saturday my older sister Ashley came to visit from Ellijay with her boyfriend Richard with whom she is planning to elope but first become engaged to soon. We made a big breakfast for lunch during which time Ashley decided to dress up in her chicken plant uniform. Richard was a little despondent because either the day before or two his puppy Autumn the pit-bull ran away after his grandmother refused to let her in. we played Rockband afterward. Ashley needed to run errands the afternoon while she was in town by collecting her W-2 from the bar and grille she used to bartend at last year, buy groceries for dinner, and try to find a cheap night gown and the Dollar General. It was flurrying out, but I drove us around anyway in the rental car. We took a while walking in circles at the grocery store, but finally came out with a tomato, lettuce, dill chips, relish, peanut butter ice cream, an onion, hot dogs, Cool Ranch Dorito's, and maybe a couple other things. I forgot to get some antihistamine. Some time after we returned Ashley fell asleep watching television, dad had to leave to get some buns, and I had to make the potato salad without her. Before Dad left for the grocery store I was helping Renee with her family tree on the computer in hers and my fathers bedroom. That is where I realized a lymph node on the right side of my neck was greatly swollen. I was very worried because something like that had never happened to me before. Ashley wouldn't wake even as dinner was ready and we began to eat without her. She got up when I told her she would probably only have 4 hours left of time to spend with Dad and I. Renee had gone to bed earlier and left me in charge with cleaning the kitchen. I had a little trouble sleeping that night.

Sunday I got up with Ashley to go to church. We were late and Richard was already in Sunday School, but that gave Ashley a chance to speak with the sound woman about her missing dog. I had rushed her to get ready so she left her pictures of the dog at Dad's place. Richards granny and two cousins sat in from of us and I sat on the end, Ashley between Richard and I. After service we hung around the parking lot, a friend of mine called from Malaysia, Richard's cousin's played with some puppies, and Granny's car wouldn't start. Richard got in contact with the sound lady and after we left in his car leaving my rental reluctantly behind, we weaved around down Richard's street trying to find the culprits the sound lady may have tipped them off about having taken their dog. No luck. When we arrived at Richard's we watched The Andy Griffith Show. We had hot dogs for lunch, but my throat hurt too much to eat more than one. I needed medication. I stepped out for some fresh air. Before they took me back, we weaved through the "neighborhood" again. From there I drove to Marietta to meet Erin for dinner. I had a little trouble finding her place, but I wasn't too late. We decided to have Korean. I had Chicken Kasu and a coleslaw type side. We shared a variety of small dishes in the center. the chicken was very scratchy, but I was able to choke it down. That was not very helpful. Afterward we zoomed off to the Japanese grocery store before they closed and I bought Japanese curry and mushroom candies. Then we went to Baskin Robins 31 where I got cherry ice cream. I drove home after seeing Erin off at her house once again. That night I was unable to sleep at all.

Monday early morning I was awake when my father came out from his room to prepare to go to work. I decided I would drive back to North Carolina while I still had strength and will knowing I would not be able to sleep until some of the pain in my throat was lessened and guessing my best bet for recovery was in Charlotte. After my father left for work I got all of my stuff in order left and locked the door behind me. No turning back. I stayed on the road without stopping until I was in South Carolina where first I nibbled on an egg and cheese McMuffin and later stopped to fill up my gas tank. I drove to my mothers house immediately got out of the car and walked through the door with relief. I made an appointment at the Student Health Center that same day and was proscribed an antibiotic Azithromycin, a numbing agent Lidocaine to gargle, and 800 mg tablets of Ibuprofen. When I I was brought back to my mothers house afterward, I drove the car back to the apartment and took my stuff inside. Then I returned and went to the grocery store buying mostly soups, tea, and chicken broth. Dropping that off I retrieved the paperwork for my rental and dropped it off. I was driven back to my apartment. I had trouble sleeping that night despite the medication. The Lidocaine was useless because it didn't work deep enough in my throat.

Tuesday was a day of fighting with sleep, fever, and chills. I was able to eat very little and ended up calling my mother to take me in for the night fearing my lonely demise. The pain in my throat was unbearable. At my mothers house I was encouraged to gargle salt water and drink lemon honey tea and use a cold press as I was encouraged to do on Monday as well. Little was able to help with the pain and I got little sleep that day and that night. I had started taking the 800 mg Ibuprofen pill every 5 or 6 hours without food despite the 3 a day limit because the pain was so extreme.

Wednesday I called to make another appointment with the same doctor. I took my mother along with me because I was afraid they would have to do a blood test and the last time I did that was in preparation for studying in Japan and I passed out with my eyes open. We parked in reserved patient parking. I was brought to get a blood test as I had thought, but it turned out only being a finger prick. Shamefully, I still nearly lost my marbles while they did it at the thought of blood getting milked out of my finger. While the supposedly 5 minute test for mono was being process I was administered a steroid shot in the butt. Boy was that sore, but it was a bit refreshing and balancing to feel pain somewhere else. While waiting half an hour before I was allowed to leave after having been given that shot, the doctor returned confirming that I did in fact have mononucleosis. She proscribed me hydrocodone and told me to stop taking the Azithromycin. Leaving there a miracle happened. I had the desire to eat a double cheese burger and it turned out I could. The shot had worked wonders. However the pain in my throat had changed from a raw shredded feeling to sharp stabbing feelings. It became more difficult for me to drink anything after that cheeseburger lunch. The only thing that I could sip with the smallest pain was warm lemon honey tea.

Thursday was a continuation of little beverage but more ability to eat food and a shallower pain in my throat.

Friday had an appointment with the same doctor at 8:30 in the morning. My mother took me to drop my stuff off at the apartment and then dropped me off at the Student Health Center. The doctor was excited that I was getting better. She advised me to use the Lidocaine to numb my throat so I could drink fluids. She prescribed me a steroid Prednisone that cannot be taken with Ibuprofen lest I want a stomach ulcer. I was a little leery of that because I had been relying on Ibuprofen mainly for killing the pain and kicking out the fever. But I took her word for it. I had already taken one 800 mg pill of Ibuprofen that morning, but she said it would be fine to take the Prednisone. But food must be eaten first. Afterward I was able to eat some yogurt and fruit and a Michelina's noodle dinner with water. I took the steroid pills and was proud of my progress. Later around 4pm my mother picked me up to get groceries before rush hour and because it would start snowing soon. When I returned to the apartment I was left with more options to snack on.

Saturday my eating a drinking had returned to a mode that required minding only a minor sore throat. I could drink water and vitamin water and eat hot pockets and ice cream. I was a glorious feeling to be able to eat drink and sleep freely. I took a long nap in the middle of the day and worked on unraveling the mysteries of my ancestry most of the rest of the day. The illness was etched deep in my memory, but the sweet feel of recovery was on my mind and the beautiful snow outside increased my comfort and joy.

Monday, May 25, 2009

Getting Behind

I have a terrible tendancy of getting behind and not being able to catch up again.... but the pressure is there all the long. I feel the terrible weight of my mistakes and my obligaitons hanging above my head ready to fall on me at any moment. The longer I wait, the heavier the load hanging above me seems and the more risky it seems for me to be standing beneath it. At times I just want to leave it behind and walk away, but I know that it is my responsability. It seems that so many other people orbit around it that it would be very uncaring of me to abandon. I want to cut that load down, divide it, and send all its peices in the right direction, but the thought of such a task oppresses my conscience. The reason the weight increases is becasue the longer I wait, the more I have to make up for. I don't think it is good to harbor up stress like this... perhaps things that bring delight, but not things that bring me stress. I guess I just need to turn things around. Do things I hate and harbor up the things I delight in. I shouldn't miss out on once in a lifetime opportunities either though.... both with things I dred and with things I enjoy.......... i guess I better get started.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

I had a dream last night.

I flew across the world and saw cardinal directions with associations with the continents and the Antichrist. I was reading Isaiah.

I came home from Japan and met my family... Ashley, my older sister, was in confusion and muddy colors... My mother was in light with green plants swaying outside and white and grey shaded inside... my little sister Sarah was the same but with blues.

I saw the crafts of my mother and images on her pages; dark sky, a balerina hurtling, a woman in the foreground on the bottom right, rough dark and shadowed terrain in between...

There was a train I sat in beside a friend who was lonely and needed guidence, they wanted to pray to Peter or another apostle (somehow I had found them in the high wires of a bridge perching)... I eventually suggested Micheal, the archangel who "protects the people of Isreal"... I stood up to allow an old woman my seat. We were in seats facing forward like a bus. (I find this interesting since I think you should only pray to God)

An abandoned house with curled under carpets in a long hall like that of a hotel. Many pillows are piled in the rooms along it with various people I don't remember here and there... Two sworded men (one tiny and one normal sized) spar and battle (I think I'm the little one). The place reminds me of my past. Something about a book in a larger space of the hall comes to my memory.

A giant devouring and transforming snake near the end of the dream.

These are the images of my dream last night. They had so much more significance and detail in the dream and this morning, but I have lost most of my memory of it during the day. What a pity. Probably not even worth posting.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Where did matter come from?

Asking this question:

Where did matter come from?

With this explaination:

I am aware that matter can be formed from energy, but where did this original energy come from? By the second law of Thermodynamics, I think the existence of the universe is an impossible process... meaning it was created through external forcing. I think God is the answer... what do you think?

If matter has always existed and yet decays... why is the existence of an everlasting non-material being illogical?
Energy aside... you can't have an effect without a cause. multiply the size of the universe all you want, you still get the same problem... the increase of intropy.

The best answer I recieved was:

Speaking as a believer, I tend to agree that God did ordain the existence of matter.However, as a passionate amateur physicist I also have to agree that this is a somewhat unsatisfactory answer. After all, if we were to simply stick a "God did it" plaster over every gap in our knowledge and left it at that, we'd never discover anything new!To give you the (amateur) physicist's answer, therefore: it is generally considered the case (although not exclusively) that the universe began from a point known as a singularity. This is sometimes thought of as being everything in the universe scrunched up really, really small, but in actual fact it's far more complicated than that. The question of where the singularity came from in the first place is very much open - a popular theory is that it was the remains of an earlier universe that had gone through the "Big Crunch".Anyhow, singularities are inherently unstable and tend to explode (or rather, expand). Energy as we understand it (and as it exists under the Laws of Thermodynamics) didn't exist at this point. The rules, one might say, were different. Energy, of course, came to exist pretty quickly as the earliest proto-particles took form (possibly including the elusive Higgs's Boson) and their interactions took on the nature of what we, today, know as energy in its various forms.If it helps, you'll be aware that energy can be held, as it were, in abeyance as "potential" energy. The kinetic energy of a ball in your hand, for example, is potential until you choose to drop it. The singularity did not possess potential energy, because it possessed no mass as we understand it. But one might think of it as possessing potential potential energy.None of these hypotheses necessarily exclude the omnipotent hand of an immortal and loving creator. However, it is worth remembering that none of them indicate his existence, either. The best evidence of God remains - and will, I'm certain, always remain - the personal experience of his love and influence that even the most powerful and sensitive particle accelerator cannot and will not detect.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Taco Bell

I want Taco Bell,

If I can't get it then I want some Tex-Mex. If I can't get that, I want some Mexican. I want anything close to it and I want it now : ). I have been searching for probably hours now for good pizza and good Mexican food. It virtually doesn't exist in Japan. I might have to settle with Hard Rock Cafe unless I browbeat my way onto a US military base. Taco Bell was introduced to Asia in the early 90's or late 80's, but it failed miserably. What is wrong with the people here? Don't they like cheap, tastey, and filling? YES! Of course they do... but I think I know what the problem is. Japanese people tend not to like spicey food, and when they think of Tex-Mex, they think of Mexican and spicey and don't try food they have heard Japanese people won't like. But most of the Japanese students here who have studied in the US really liked Taco Bell. So I think Taco Bell should try again.

I also want some Papa John's. They don't exist in Japan. There are some in Korea though, a more pizza friendly country. I guess I chose the wrong country to study in : ( The only good fast food resturant Tokyo has is Wendy's... and I guess Subway is good too... but that's it. They have Domino's and Pizza Hut here but I'd rather eat chilli every day than choke down those grease balls for twice the prices they should have. I like a lot of Japanese foods, but I get so tired of the same flavors. I am greatful for the fact that my stomache can handle McDonald's because otherwise, I'd probably die.

I need some greasy, nasty, unhealthy food every once in a while, because if I continute to eat healthy I'm going to be chronically constipated and fat. I know this makes no sense to most of you, but carbohydrates lubribate my metabolism. If I don't get them and in the most unhealthy way, my body shuts down, and it's only time before it starts producing fat. I try to eat as much carbohydrates as possible and am pleased to find my wait has stayed pretty stagnant. If anything I want a little more fat, but not here in Japan. Everyone is a toothpick just like me in Tokyo.

I simply much have my filling, cheap, and delicious Taco Bell. I'm afraid I'll gorge myself on it when I can, but it'll be soooooo worth it.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Don't Trust The Japanese


If something in Japan claims to be pudding do not trust it. It is probably JELLO. If something claims to be yogurt, do not trust it either... despite the fact that it looks like yogurt with little chuncks of blueberries mixed in it... it is proabably JELLO. If something claims to be jelly... that simply means that it is JELLO. I have yet to try the custard, but as you can tell... I'm having a few reservations about it. It was bad enough trying yogurt, pudding, and jelly, and having to throw half of it away... They even hand out milk JELLO with your lunch at the cafeteria here. It is so nasty... I have a hard enough time as it is with fake cherry JELLO, let alone that stuff. Okay, so moral of the story... don't trust your eyes in Japan... or the words written on things... trust your gut or if worse comes to worse... if you don't know what something is... it's probably JELLO.


Friday, October 10, 2008

North Korea


I went to Freshness Burger down the street from Toyo University with Crystal (Texan) and Hayley (Australian). We at first started talking about American politics based upon a few questions Hayley had about it and it exploded into an intellectual flurry of thoughts. Crystal definately lead the stream of thoughts and discussion followed by Hayley. I don't like debate that feels like arguing so I remained silent. It would have worked so much better if we had a stick to pass around because you basically had to intrupt someone in order to speak. But the discussion basicly flirted upon the topics of nuclear weapons, the Middle East, why we went to war, how war has changed, what the world is becoming, the morals behind modern motivations for war and war tactics, how the world veiwed September Eleventh, how it veiws the US, and so on. There were many things we talked about.

So, today I have been feeling an overwhelming sense of God's workings in the world. I feel a decline in the strength of America, and a looming dark cloud to the East. It's like my relocation to Japan has altered my sixth sense and caused me to feel even stronger than before. I see what the world sees about the US from people that would never go there. It scares me. Not in a sense that I am afraid of death, but in a way that dampers my soul and gives me a greater love for people and a longing to understand. It is a good kind of fear rooted in love. Does that make any sense? I have been feeling this and knowing it through people since I got here.

Eventually our conversation turned to North Korea. And it basically boiled down to this... The Japanese news often refers to North Korea and the other day it showed footage inside a South Korean courthouse were evidentally South Korea has found evidence that North Korea is manufacturing short range nuclear weapons. Short range... North Korea hates South Korea and Japan. In our conversation at the table today, Crystal was commenting on how Japan isn't a giant military power and that China wouldn't do anything about North Korea because they are allies... and all that would go through my mind was a dream I had maybe three years ago. I was in Japan and people were running around in terror. Everthing had turned a shade of red with two moons in the sky and I heard a voice call out to me, "Japan will boil". It was terrifying.

Sitting at the table and listening to Crystal speak I then remembered that I was in the largest city in Japan... Tokyo. Not only that... but in the center of that city! Not very comforting... however fear does not grip me, because I have faith. It is something I cannot explain properly. I trust in God. I know that whatever happens God is there and He is just. I know that pain may come my way or enormous terror may grip this planet... but God is just all the same. I know He judges the heart and He knows every good and bad thing. There is no reason to fear because God is just. There is nothing I can do or need to do becuase I am not God. I can never be a good person because we all fall short of that... however, I can be greatful and trust in God. He knows what He is doing.

I know that no good author puts something into his book that is irrelivent. I know also that the US isn't as stupid as it sometimes may seem. God's allowing a mystery to be built in this modern world from multiple angles that I am sure will have major repercussions once revealed. I think this modern world is advancing so fast that it isn't even sure about much of anything anymore. Today has become more of God's arena than anyone could imagine. I can see Him tying up the loose ends of history and finishing off many equations. Much has been revealed to us of late, but we are just on the threshold of a mystery that will soon rear its ugly head and send tremors throughout the earth, as far as rocking its very foundations.

War has even become so confused that nations are invading other nations based upon rumors! Morals are being questioned and motives weighed like never before in history. With the existance of weapons of mass destruction, it has become acceptable however highly debated, to invade another country based on the fear that is may attack. It has come down to this... "Should we wait for them wipe out half of our population, or should we attack them first and dismantle their capablities before they are fully capable?" War has become such a beast that it comes in the form of fear itself... and unlike anytime before in history, it is now global and involves lands unrelated.

There is a mystery building and the day will soon come when it is revealed... that is what my feelings are for today. I great sense of meaning rooted in fear rooted in love. If that makes any sense....