Getting Behind

I have a terrible tendancy of getting behind and not being able to catch up again.... but the pressure is there all the long. I feel the terrible weight of my mistakes and my obligaitons hanging above my head ready to fall on me at any moment. The longer I wait, the heavier the load hanging above me seems and the more risky it seems for me to be standing beneath it. At times I just want to leave it behind and walk away, but I know that it is my responsability. It seems that so many other people orbit around it that it would be very uncaring of me to abandon. I want to cut that load down, divide it, and send all its peices in the right direction, but the thought of such a task oppresses my conscience. The reason the weight increases is becasue the longer I wait, the more I have to make up for. I don't think it is good to harbor up stress like this... perhaps things that bring delight, but not things that bring me stress. I guess I just need to turn things around. Do things I hate and harbor up the things I delight in. I shouldn't miss out on once in a lifetime opportunities either though.... both with things I dred and with things I enjoy.......... i guess I better get started.

I had a dream last night.

I flew across the world and saw cardinal directions with associations with the continents and the Antichrist. I was reading Isaiah.

I came home from Japan and met my family... Ashley, my older sister, was in confusion and muddy colors... My mother was in light with green plants swaying outside and white and grey shaded inside... my little sister Sarah was the same but with blues.

I saw the crafts of my mother and images on her pages; dark sky, a balerina hurtling, a woman in the foreground on the bottom right, rough dark and shadowed terrain in between...

There was a train I sat in beside a friend who was lonely and needed guidence, they wanted to pray to Peter or another apostle (somehow I had found them in the high wires of a bridge perching)... I eventually suggested Micheal, the archangel who "protects the people of Isreal"... I stood up to allow an old woman my seat. We were in seats facing forward like a bus. (I find this interesting since I think you should only pray to God)

An abandoned house with curled under carpets in a long hall like that of a hotel. Many pillows are piled in the rooms along it with various people I don't remember here and there... Two sworded men (one tiny and one normal sized) spar and battle (I think I'm the little one). The place reminds me of my past. Something about a book in a larger space of the hall comes to my memory.

A giant devouring and transforming snake near the end of the dream.

These are the images of my dream last night. They had so much more significance and detail in the dream and this morning, but I have lost most of my memory of it during the day. What a pity. Probably not even worth posting.

Where did matter come from?

Asking this question:

Where did matter come from?

With this explaination:

I am aware that matter can be formed from energy, but where did this original energy come from? By the second law of Thermodynamics, I think the existence of the universe is an impossible process... meaning it was created through external forcing. I think God is the answer... what do you think?

If matter has always existed and yet decays... why is the existence of an everlasting non-material being illogical?
Energy aside... you can't have an effect without a cause. multiply the size of the universe all you want, you still get the same problem... the increase of intropy.

The best answer I recieved was:

Speaking as a believer, I tend to agree that God did ordain the existence of matter.However, as a passionate amateur physicist I also have to agree that this is a somewhat unsatisfactory answer. After all, if we were to simply stick a "God did it" plaster over every gap in our knowledge and left it at that, we'd never discover anything new!To give you the (amateur) physicist's answer, therefore: it is generally considered the case (although not exclusively) that the universe began from a point known as a singularity. This is sometimes thought of as being everything in the universe scrunched up really, really small, but in actual fact it's far more complicated than that. The question of where the singularity came from in the first place is very much open - a popular theory is that it was the remains of an earlier universe that had gone through the "Big Crunch".Anyhow, singularities are inherently unstable and tend to explode (or rather, expand). Energy as we understand it (and as it exists under the Laws of Thermodynamics) didn't exist at this point. The rules, one might say, were different. Energy, of course, came to exist pretty quickly as the earliest proto-particles took form (possibly including the elusive Higgs's Boson) and their interactions took on the nature of what we, today, know as energy in its various forms.If it helps, you'll be aware that energy can be held, as it were, in abeyance as "potential" energy. The kinetic energy of a ball in your hand, for example, is potential until you choose to drop it. The singularity did not possess potential energy, because it possessed no mass as we understand it. But one might think of it as possessing potential potential energy.None of these hypotheses necessarily exclude the omnipotent hand of an immortal and loving creator. However, it is worth remembering that none of them indicate his existence, either. The best evidence of God remains - and will, I'm certain, always remain - the personal experience of his love and influence that even the most powerful and sensitive particle accelerator cannot and will not detect.

Taco Bell

I want Taco Bell,

If I can't get it then I want some Tex-Mex. If I can't get that, I want some Mexican. I want anything close to it and I want it now : ). I have been searching for probably hours now for good pizza and good Mexican food. It virtually doesn't exist in Japan. I might have to settle with Hard Rock Cafe unless I browbeat my way onto a US military base. Taco Bell was introduced to Asia in the early 90's or late 80's, but it failed miserably. What is wrong with the people here? Don't they like cheap, tastey, and filling? YES! Of course they do... but I think I know what the problem is. Japanese people tend not to like spicey food, and when they think of Tex-Mex, they think of Mexican and spicey and don't try food they have heard Japanese people won't like. But most of the Japanese students here who have studied in the US really liked Taco Bell. So I think Taco Bell should try again.

I also want some Papa John's. They don't exist in Japan. There are some in Korea though, a more pizza friendly country. I guess I chose the wrong country to study in : ( The only good fast food resturant Tokyo has is Wendy's... and I guess Subway is good too... but that's it. They have Domino's and Pizza Hut here but I'd rather eat chilli every day than choke down those grease balls for twice the prices they should have. I like a lot of Japanese foods, but I get so tired of the same flavors. I am greatful for the fact that my stomache can handle McDonald's because otherwise, I'd probably die.

I need some greasy, nasty, unhealthy food every once in a while, because if I continute to eat healthy I'm going to be chronically constipated and fat. I know this makes no sense to most of you, but carbohydrates lubribate my metabolism. If I don't get them and in the most unhealthy way, my body shuts down, and it's only time before it starts producing fat. I try to eat as much carbohydrates as possible and am pleased to find my wait has stayed pretty stagnant. If anything I want a little more fat, but not here in Japan. Everyone is a toothpick just like me in Tokyo.

I simply much have my filling, cheap, and delicious Taco Bell. I'm afraid I'll gorge myself on it when I can, but it'll be soooooo worth it.