Basically,
If something in Japan claims to be pudding do not trust it. It is probably JELLO. If something claims to be yogurt, do not trust it either... despite the fact that it looks like yogurt with little chuncks of blueberries mixed in it... it is proabably JELLO. If something claims to be jelly... that simply means that it is JELLO. I have yet to try the custard, but as you can tell... I'm having a few reservations about it. It was bad enough trying yogurt, pudding, and jelly, and having to throw half of it away... They even hand out milk JELLO with your lunch at the cafeteria here. It is so nasty... I have a hard enough time as it is with fake cherry JELLO, let alone that stuff. Okay, so moral of the story... don't trust your eyes in Japan... or the words written on things... trust your gut or if worse comes to worse... if you don't know what something is... it's probably JELLO.
Adam
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Friday, October 10, 2008
North Korea
Today,
I went to Freshness Burger down the street from Toyo University with Crystal (Texan) and Hayley (Australian). We at first started talking about American politics based upon a few questions Hayley had about it and it exploded into an intellectual flurry of thoughts. Crystal definately lead the stream of thoughts and discussion followed by Hayley. I don't like debate that feels like arguing so I remained silent. It would have worked so much better if we had a stick to pass around because you basically had to intrupt someone in order to speak. But the discussion basicly flirted upon the topics of nuclear weapons, the Middle East, why we went to war, how war has changed, what the world is becoming, the morals behind modern motivations for war and war tactics, how the world veiwed September Eleventh, how it veiws the US, and so on. There were many things we talked about.
So, today I have been feeling an overwhelming sense of God's workings in the world. I feel a decline in the strength of America, and a looming dark cloud to the East. It's like my relocation to Japan has altered my sixth sense and caused me to feel even stronger than before. I see what the world sees about the US from people that would never go there. It scares me. Not in a sense that I am afraid of death, but in a way that dampers my soul and gives me a greater love for people and a longing to understand. It is a good kind of fear rooted in love. Does that make any sense? I have been feeling this and knowing it through people since I got here.
Eventually our conversation turned to North Korea. And it basically boiled down to this... The Japanese news often refers to North Korea and the other day it showed footage inside a South Korean courthouse were evidentally South Korea has found evidence that North Korea is manufacturing short range nuclear weapons. Short range... North Korea hates South Korea and Japan. In our conversation at the table today, Crystal was commenting on how Japan isn't a giant military power and that China wouldn't do anything about North Korea because they are allies... and all that would go through my mind was a dream I had maybe three years ago. I was in Japan and people were running around in terror. Everthing had turned a shade of red with two moons in the sky and I heard a voice call out to me, "Japan will boil". It was terrifying.
Sitting at the table and listening to Crystal speak I then remembered that I was in the largest city in Japan... Tokyo. Not only that... but in the center of that city! Not very comforting... however fear does not grip me, because I have faith. It is something I cannot explain properly. I trust in God. I know that whatever happens God is there and He is just. I know that pain may come my way or enormous terror may grip this planet... but God is just all the same. I know He judges the heart and He knows every good and bad thing. There is no reason to fear because God is just. There is nothing I can do or need to do becuase I am not God. I can never be a good person because we all fall short of that... however, I can be greatful and trust in God. He knows what He is doing.
I know that no good author puts something into his book that is irrelivent. I know also that the US isn't as stupid as it sometimes may seem. God's allowing a mystery to be built in this modern world from multiple angles that I am sure will have major repercussions once revealed. I think this modern world is advancing so fast that it isn't even sure about much of anything anymore. Today has become more of God's arena than anyone could imagine. I can see Him tying up the loose ends of history and finishing off many equations. Much has been revealed to us of late, but we are just on the threshold of a mystery that will soon rear its ugly head and send tremors throughout the earth, as far as rocking its very foundations.
War has even become so confused that nations are invading other nations based upon rumors! Morals are being questioned and motives weighed like never before in history. With the existance of weapons of mass destruction, it has become acceptable however highly debated, to invade another country based on the fear that is may attack. It has come down to this... "Should we wait for them wipe out half of our population, or should we attack them first and dismantle their capablities before they are fully capable?" War has become such a beast that it comes in the form of fear itself... and unlike anytime before in history, it is now global and involves lands unrelated.
There is a mystery building and the day will soon come when it is revealed... that is what my feelings are for today. I great sense of meaning rooted in fear rooted in love. If that makes any sense....
I went to Freshness Burger down the street from Toyo University with Crystal (Texan) and Hayley (Australian). We at first started talking about American politics based upon a few questions Hayley had about it and it exploded into an intellectual flurry of thoughts. Crystal definately lead the stream of thoughts and discussion followed by Hayley. I don't like debate that feels like arguing so I remained silent. It would have worked so much better if we had a stick to pass around because you basically had to intrupt someone in order to speak. But the discussion basicly flirted upon the topics of nuclear weapons, the Middle East, why we went to war, how war has changed, what the world is becoming, the morals behind modern motivations for war and war tactics, how the world veiwed September Eleventh, how it veiws the US, and so on. There were many things we talked about.
So, today I have been feeling an overwhelming sense of God's workings in the world. I feel a decline in the strength of America, and a looming dark cloud to the East. It's like my relocation to Japan has altered my sixth sense and caused me to feel even stronger than before. I see what the world sees about the US from people that would never go there. It scares me. Not in a sense that I am afraid of death, but in a way that dampers my soul and gives me a greater love for people and a longing to understand. It is a good kind of fear rooted in love. Does that make any sense? I have been feeling this and knowing it through people since I got here.
Eventually our conversation turned to North Korea. And it basically boiled down to this... The Japanese news often refers to North Korea and the other day it showed footage inside a South Korean courthouse were evidentally South Korea has found evidence that North Korea is manufacturing short range nuclear weapons. Short range... North Korea hates South Korea and Japan. In our conversation at the table today, Crystal was commenting on how Japan isn't a giant military power and that China wouldn't do anything about North Korea because they are allies... and all that would go through my mind was a dream I had maybe three years ago. I was in Japan and people were running around in terror. Everthing had turned a shade of red with two moons in the sky and I heard a voice call out to me, "Japan will boil". It was terrifying.
Sitting at the table and listening to Crystal speak I then remembered that I was in the largest city in Japan... Tokyo. Not only that... but in the center of that city! Not very comforting... however fear does not grip me, because I have faith. It is something I cannot explain properly. I trust in God. I know that whatever happens God is there and He is just. I know that pain may come my way or enormous terror may grip this planet... but God is just all the same. I know He judges the heart and He knows every good and bad thing. There is no reason to fear because God is just. There is nothing I can do or need to do becuase I am not God. I can never be a good person because we all fall short of that... however, I can be greatful and trust in God. He knows what He is doing.
I know that no good author puts something into his book that is irrelivent. I know also that the US isn't as stupid as it sometimes may seem. God's allowing a mystery to be built in this modern world from multiple angles that I am sure will have major repercussions once revealed. I think this modern world is advancing so fast that it isn't even sure about much of anything anymore. Today has become more of God's arena than anyone could imagine. I can see Him tying up the loose ends of history and finishing off many equations. Much has been revealed to us of late, but we are just on the threshold of a mystery that will soon rear its ugly head and send tremors throughout the earth, as far as rocking its very foundations.
War has even become so confused that nations are invading other nations based upon rumors! Morals are being questioned and motives weighed like never before in history. With the existance of weapons of mass destruction, it has become acceptable however highly debated, to invade another country based on the fear that is may attack. It has come down to this... "Should we wait for them wipe out half of our population, or should we attack them first and dismantle their capablities before they are fully capable?" War has become such a beast that it comes in the form of fear itself... and unlike anytime before in history, it is now global and involves lands unrelated.
There is a mystery building and the day will soon come when it is revealed... that is what my feelings are for today. I great sense of meaning rooted in fear rooted in love. If that makes any sense....
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
This Past Sunday
This past Sunday,
I embarrassed myself so bad. The church I am attending in Tokyo has this event going on that is called the Juballie (probably spelled wrong). During the anouncements right after service the guy on stage was trying to promote the event when suddenly people began to turn in their seats looking at me with faces full of discontent. I had a translation device in my right ear so that I could understand what was going on and was shocked when people started looking at me.... but then... I heard what was beckoning their attention. Just as the man on stage was talking about the Juballie, something from one of my pockets was calling out. Removing the translation device from my ear
I heard in horror that this sound was the sound of the men chanting at the peagan feastival I had visited the other week. Having left my camera in my back right pocket, I must have triggered the right buttons in the right combination of wiggles for one of my most culturally interesting pieces of footage.... but at the worst possible moment there ever could be! I couldn't have dreamed of a worse moment or place for that to happen. Undeniably, my face turned a pleasent color of red as I groped around trying to stiffle the noise... pretend it wasn't coming from me... and then scramble to cut it off swiftly before more damage could be done. by the grace of God, as I was trying to play this whole thing cool... the lights were also dimming for a power point presentation.
I had to leave the room as soon as it was over, just to distance myself from the event as best I could.... I was beyond embarrassed.... I just couldn't erase the horrified faces from my memory... But now that I look back of it I can laugh.... because man! does God have a sense of humor or what?!
I embarrassed myself so bad. The church I am attending in Tokyo has this event going on that is called the Juballie (probably spelled wrong). During the anouncements right after service the guy on stage was trying to promote the event when suddenly people began to turn in their seats looking at me with faces full of discontent. I had a translation device in my right ear so that I could understand what was going on and was shocked when people started looking at me.... but then... I heard what was beckoning their attention. Just as the man on stage was talking about the Juballie, something from one of my pockets was calling out. Removing the translation device from my ear
I heard in horror that this sound was the sound of the men chanting at the peagan feastival I had visited the other week. Having left my camera in my back right pocket, I must have triggered the right buttons in the right combination of wiggles for one of my most culturally interesting pieces of footage.... but at the worst possible moment there ever could be! I couldn't have dreamed of a worse moment or place for that to happen. Undeniably, my face turned a pleasent color of red as I groped around trying to stiffle the noise... pretend it wasn't coming from me... and then scramble to cut it off swiftly before more damage could be done. by the grace of God, as I was trying to play this whole thing cool... the lights were also dimming for a power point presentation.I had to leave the room as soon as it was over, just to distance myself from the event as best I could.... I was beyond embarrassed.... I just couldn't erase the horrified faces from my memory... But now that I look back of it I can laugh.... because man! does God have a sense of humor or what?!
Friday, October 3, 2008
Pot Luck
Last Saturday,
All the international students got together in Naomi and Crystal's dorm room for a Pot Luck Night. I came in half an hour late... well technically exactly on time since the time for it had been laid out as starting between 6pm and 7pm. I came at 6:30pm, just to see who had come. Most everyone was already there, so I apologized for being late and not having made my food and rushed back downstairs. Actually, I wanted to see if anyone had brought spaghetti because that was my idea. I was safe.
The first time I had made spaghetti I hadn't had any salt... and it didn't taste very good. However this time I did so I was hoping it would taste better. It was some time near 7pm when I had finished and left my room with a steaming hot pot, fingered laddle, and a washrag to sit it on. I thought I had everything, but as the door to the stairwell closed I froze in place. Do I have my access card? I thought. Hands full and far too late for it to matter, I brushed it off and made my way to the noisey pot luck. Shoes littered the entranceway.
At first I didn't know where to sit my pot, because the table was full of half-empty entrees. There was fried soba, spooned fruit, fried green beans, nikuman, and Qoo amoung other things. I set my pot on the sink while I checked to see if I had my card. No... I didn't. I had left it in the card port in my room and there was no way I could re-enter it now to retreive it. What made it worse was that my roommate was one of the only people not there. Even worse was the fact that my roommate had a reputation at the time for going out during the day and not comming back until the late morning. I had appearently forgotten to tell him about the pot-luck, so he was all the way out in Shinjuku or Akihabura. And I didn't know his phone number nor did I have a phone.
After finding a decent spot on the table to set my contribution, I went with Naomi and Hayley out into the hall where they were going to attept to find out why Heather and Tehreem were still locked up in their room. I wanted to use her phone to call the IPO office. However, when Tehreem answered the door and after formalities and such when I asked her, she wouldn't let me use her phone. I was slightly appauled. What was the meaning of her not letting me use her room phone. All it could do was call the office. I wanted to get the dorms landlord to use his masterkey to open the door.
After Tehreem refused to let us in her room on the basis that she and Heather were preparing a secret entree, she shut the door and Hayley assured me that I could use her phone in her room. I don't remember if we then went back to the party, or if we went to her room immediately after, but it wasn't long before we came upon it. There are about three buttons on our room phones none of which either of us could read... but just a couple nights before, I had witnessed Naomi press one of the buttons and the manager called back almost 20 seconds later. We tried that button and when nothing happened, we tried the other ones too and sat on the floor waiting for the phone to call us back.
We sat with ou legs stretched out before us and our hands supporting us in the back across from eathother on the kitchen/livingroom floor. When it was evident that no one would respond to our call, Hayley began to tell me a story about what had happened earlier on in the week. On the Tuesday of the festival. Before she came with us that night.
She had tried to work her washing machine, but it wouldn't do anything. She tried to get help from management, but it still didn't do anything. She started crying and began to become home-sick. They took her up to the seventh floor to one of the SCAT teachers (who is American) so that she may be able to help her. They figured out that the water first needed to be turned on before the washer would work. One of those kinks that comes with being one of the first occupants.
I soon found out that the meaning of the story was to suggest I ask this lady if she knows someone with a master key. But first we wuld check the lobby to make sure there were no workers present. So we got off the floor and continued our adventure.
All the international students got together in Naomi and Crystal's dorm room for a Pot Luck Night. I came in half an hour late... well technically exactly on time since the time for it had been laid out as starting between 6pm and 7pm. I came at 6:30pm, just to see who had come. Most everyone was already there, so I apologized for being late and not having made my food and rushed back downstairs. Actually, I wanted to see if anyone had brought spaghetti because that was my idea. I was safe.
The first time I had made spaghetti I hadn't had any salt... and it didn't taste very good. However this time I did so I was hoping it would taste better. It was some time near 7pm when I had finished and left my room with a steaming hot pot, fingered laddle, and a washrag to sit it on. I thought I had everything, but as the door to the stairwell closed I froze in place. Do I have my access card? I thought. Hands full and far too late for it to matter, I brushed it off and made my way to the noisey pot luck. Shoes littered the entranceway.
At first I didn't know where to sit my pot, because the table was full of half-empty entrees. There was fried soba, spooned fruit, fried green beans, nikuman, and Qoo amoung other things. I set my pot on the sink while I checked to see if I had my card. No... I didn't. I had left it in the card port in my room and there was no way I could re-enter it now to retreive it. What made it worse was that my roommate was one of the only people not there. Even worse was the fact that my roommate had a reputation at the time for going out during the day and not comming back until the late morning. I had appearently forgotten to tell him about the pot-luck, so he was all the way out in Shinjuku or Akihabura. And I didn't know his phone number nor did I have a phone.
After finding a decent spot on the table to set my contribution, I went with Naomi and Hayley out into the hall where they were going to attept to find out why Heather and Tehreem were still locked up in their room. I wanted to use her phone to call the IPO office. However, when Tehreem answered the door and after formalities and such when I asked her, she wouldn't let me use her phone. I was slightly appauled. What was the meaning of her not letting me use her room phone. All it could do was call the office. I wanted to get the dorms landlord to use his masterkey to open the door.
After Tehreem refused to let us in her room on the basis that she and Heather were preparing a secret entree, she shut the door and Hayley assured me that I could use her phone in her room. I don't remember if we then went back to the party, or if we went to her room immediately after, but it wasn't long before we came upon it. There are about three buttons on our room phones none of which either of us could read... but just a couple nights before, I had witnessed Naomi press one of the buttons and the manager called back almost 20 seconds later. We tried that button and when nothing happened, we tried the other ones too and sat on the floor waiting for the phone to call us back.
We sat with ou legs stretched out before us and our hands supporting us in the back across from eathother on the kitchen/livingroom floor. When it was evident that no one would respond to our call, Hayley began to tell me a story about what had happened earlier on in the week. On the Tuesday of the festival. Before she came with us that night.
She had tried to work her washing machine, but it wouldn't do anything. She tried to get help from management, but it still didn't do anything. She started crying and began to become home-sick. They took her up to the seventh floor to one of the SCAT teachers (who is American) so that she may be able to help her. They figured out that the water first needed to be turned on before the washer would work. One of those kinks that comes with being one of the first occupants.
I soon found out that the meaning of the story was to suggest I ask this lady if she knows someone with a master key. But first we wuld check the lobby to make sure there were no workers present. So we got off the floor and continued our adventure.
To be continued...
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
My Codie Cat
I love my little Codie Cat and I miss her dearly. I have heard that there are tons of stray cats running aroung Tokyo but I have yet to see any. I just want to pet her again and although she is never as interested in it anymore, I want to play hide and seek with her... I just might have to find someone here who has a cat and try to substitute my love for Codie with my love for it instead. I don't want to forget how it feels to touch a cat and to relate with one. they are such precious creatures. And they're so cute. Oh how I miss my Codie!
I miss how she curls up under blankets and how she picks up her little rope and totes it around calling for attention. I miss her crazy eyes when I slide my hand out of her sight utop the couch. I miss her bug call as she switches her tail and watches the birds flutter beyond the sliding glass. I miss her obstanence in the face of rules due to both her curiosity and loving nature. I miss how she curls up at my feet when I read in my bed, and the routine we got into when I turned in for the night.
I would switch off the light and pretend to shut the door. Suddenly she would come running through the crack with a questioning pur. Ambling over to my sheets and sliding in, she would make her way to her food tray. Then she would tear off back into the darkened rooms of the apartment to initiate her call of loneliness. I would lay patiently as her voice drew closer and until when I could see the blurry shadow or her physique press through the door ajar. Halfway between a pur and a meow she would momentarily disapear beyond the edge of my matress, and then suddenly with a tiny coo she would emerge with her tiny rope in mouth and a loving blink in her eye.
She would startle me almost every time.
Then she would drop her rope as I would shift into a loose fetal position where she would wait until I was still and then drop into a warm ball of fur above my lap and pur loudly. this would last for a minute or two before she would jump down, nibble at her food once again and return off to the lonely darkness calling for a guiding light.
I hope she does not feel lost without me, and I hope that she can make herself at home with my mother as well. I know that she is familiar with that envirnment, so I'm sure she will be fine.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Japanese Food
I know now that for the most part I do not like Japanese food. I'll eat the rice and chicken and beef, but they are often few and/or far between. Just the other day I went with a group of the exchange students out for lunch... they ended up deciding on a sushi bar--the last place in the world I wanted to be. Looking at the menu made my stomache turn horribly. I had to walk back to the school and eat curry rice at the cafeteria. By-the-way, I've never had curry rice before and I ended up throwing half of it away... too spicy. In this city pretty much the only food afordable on a daily basis and in decent amounts disgusts me... but let me be more specific... Fish, guts, sushi, pork, indian food, and other nasty things are cheapest. Cheese, sweet things, chicken, fried rice, and beef are either really expesive or hard to find. My first couple of days I lived off of packaged pastries. I soon found spaghetti, but had to buy a pot, collinder, finger ladle, and utensils in order to make it. The tomato sauce wasn't sweet enough, in a large enough glass container, or at a reasonable price. Just the other day, I found some frozen fried rice at a good price, but man does it taste weird. I was going to buy stuff to make pizza, but then I realized that the cheese is basically three times the price in america for half the amount.
That's another thing. At resturants or whenever you eat somewhere other than in your room, with your meal comes a tiny little bitty cup. Appearently the Japanese don't drink fluids very much... maybe it's because they have soup with everything. I don't like miso soup either, it's swimming with seaweed and it tastes a little fishy. One day I lived off of these weird noodles that were a little sweet, but made my stomache turn and burn a little.
That's another thing. At resturants or whenever you eat somewhere other than in your room, with your meal comes a tiny little bitty cup. Appearently the Japanese don't drink fluids very much... maybe it's because they have soup with everything. I don't like miso soup either, it's swimming with seaweed and it tastes a little fishy. One day I lived off of these weird noodles that were a little sweet, but made my stomache turn and burn a little.
For the most part, I am at least beginning to find some cheaper things to feast on and eventually I hope to adjust enough to branch out to other tpes of food, but for now its strictly survival until I can get a comfortable base variety to lean on. I will experiment, but only when my stomache has the luxury of wasting food. I learned that the hard way. I went to the Fall Equinoxical Festival and it was amazing, but I bought this wierd potatoe and rice pancake wich sandwiched Japanese vegatbles with lots of sauce and mayo on top... It looked really delicious, but once I tried it it made my stomache turn for no good reason. I had to give it to someone else to finish.
Any-who... Japanese food sucks, but Tokyo is more than just food and I love this place! There are so many things to do and so many nice people. I'm sure I'll figure everything out... I also think I should probably write all of this down in some coherent fashion and put it here later on. Bt until then.... jya... matta!
Any-who... Japanese food sucks, but Tokyo is more than just food and I love this place! There are so many things to do and so many nice people. I'm sure I'll figure everything out... I also think I should probably write all of this down in some coherent fashion and put it here later on. Bt until then.... jya... matta!
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Japan!
Wow... wow... just wow... I'm in Japan and boy is it amazing. The people are so nice and its not as busy in Tokyo as I expected... And they drrive CRAZY! I wrote in my journal about my first experiences here, and I'm tranpose it here as soon as I can. I forgot to bring it with me today... I honestly didn't know I would be able to use the computer today... but I can and I'm soo happy.
Most of the other exchange students are from the US like me... there are two girls from France, a girl from Australia, and a guy from Canada. Everyone else is from the States. Everyone is so cool. They are all such good people. I am learning a lot about human nature as I am learning a lot about Japanese culture. Like for one thing... you don't hand your money to the cashiers here. you place it in a tray and they take it from there... I learned that the hard way with much apologies. Also you bag your own groceries and bought items. They give you bags and you walk over to a table with your hand cart to bag your things yourself. I guess its to minimize the wait in line... makes sense to me... now.
yesterday we went as a group to register with th government immigration stuff and to the bank to open an account, and we went to the top of the building and looked out the window. There really isn't just one center to the city, but different clusters with tall skyscrapers in the middle... Its was truely amazing looking down on it all...
Well I have to go now... I must meet my language exchange partner... bye bye!
Most of the other exchange students are from the US like me... there are two girls from France, a girl from Australia, and a guy from Canada. Everyone else is from the States. Everyone is so cool. They are all such good people. I am learning a lot about human nature as I am learning a lot about Japanese culture. Like for one thing... you don't hand your money to the cashiers here. you place it in a tray and they take it from there... I learned that the hard way with much apologies. Also you bag your own groceries and bought items. They give you bags and you walk over to a table with your hand cart to bag your things yourself. I guess its to minimize the wait in line... makes sense to me... now.
yesterday we went as a group to register with th government immigration stuff and to the bank to open an account, and we went to the top of the building and looked out the window. There really isn't just one center to the city, but different clusters with tall skyscrapers in the middle... Its was truely amazing looking down on it all...
Well I have to go now... I must meet my language exchange partner... bye bye!
Monday, September 15, 2008
Tokyo Tomorrow
I am absolutely terrified. I don't think I've been so scared in my life... Tomorrow morning I'll be going to Japan and I'll be staying there for a year. The staying there for a year part is nothing to me right now... it's the getting over there part that has got me shaking in my shorts. I really don't like airplanes... but I'm hoping the large size of this one will help buffer my terror.
Planes are wonderful contraptions, don't get me wrong. They are a mechanical marvel. They are a testament to human enginuity. But they also scare the crap out of me. I don't like the feeling of take-off, when the force of the engines presses me agianst my seat and causes my neck muscles to tense up. I don't like the way my heart pounds either. And then when it finally gets into the air I don't like that I can't roll the window down to get some fresh air or make a
pit-stop to wake my legs up.
I must sit calmly in my seat and suffer any disgusting smells that might crawl up my nose from the lady two seats away who is wolfing down a roastbeef sandwich, or from the man behind me who is visciously munching down on some peanuts.
As soon as landing is in sight, my nerves begin to calm and my body can begin to relax, because my opportunity to exit an artaficial environment draws near. Once I exit the plane, my senses will begin to clear up and reality will once again hold reign over my mind. Before then, nerves will hold that power, and could possibly clutch the wheel of time as well. I just pray that God will take over and pull me through this. I am hoping He will throw my fear aside and remove the self-made filters from my eyes so that I can see as a healthy human being does.
Beyond that... I'm sure my first couple of day will be a bit scary, but I don't see my fears taking hold of me on soil as it used to. Conquering the plane conqueres fear itself.
Planes are wonderful contraptions, don't get me wrong. They are a mechanical marvel. They are a testament to human enginuity. But they also scare the crap out of me. I don't like the feeling of take-off, when the force of the engines presses me agianst my seat and causes my neck muscles to tense up. I don't like the way my heart pounds either. And then when it finally gets into the air I don't like that I can't roll the window down to get some fresh air or make a
pit-stop to wake my legs up.I must sit calmly in my seat and suffer any disgusting smells that might crawl up my nose from the lady two seats away who is wolfing down a roastbeef sandwich, or from the man behind me who is visciously munching down on some peanuts.
As soon as landing is in sight, my nerves begin to calm and my body can begin to relax, because my opportunity to exit an artaficial environment draws near. Once I exit the plane, my senses will begin to clear up and reality will once again hold reign over my mind. Before then, nerves will hold that power, and could possibly clutch the wheel of time as well. I just pray that God will take over and pull me through this. I am hoping He will throw my fear aside and remove the self-made filters from my eyes so that I can see as a healthy human being does.
Beyond that... I'm sure my first couple of day will be a bit scary, but I don't see my fears taking hold of me on soil as it used to. Conquering the plane conqueres fear itself.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
A day to remember
I'm doing this for my little sister,
Today is her birthday. Happy Birthday!...
Today has been rather boring from an outside veiw, but there has been so much more to it than I can describe. I've learned things today, about myself, my friends, my family and my life.
The other night, I was watching TV and my ex-girlfriend called me. I really didn't feel like talking at the moment, but I could feel the warmth rolling off her tongue and the peace and love pouring from her heart. I let her speak... and as she did she sent drops of light across space and through the reciever of my cell phone... and once they entered my ear they burst into light across my mind. She told me that she was proud of me for being a strong man of God, and proud of how I never give into nonbelief. And that was it. But it really touched me that God would move her so much as to call me and tell me that with such love.
Last night I worked from 3 in the afternoon until 7 this morning. One of the managers had asked me to stay and take some overtime hours to help and push the freight from the trucks. I was going to go home... I was really, really tired... but at some point that night a revelation hit me. At once I knew that I would regret not having stayed to earn that extra money and lend that extra support to my frineds... I knew this regret was going to be far more painful than the toll of extended working and delayed sleep on my body, mind, and soul. So I stayed and proclaimed it to everyone standing there with me.
it turned out to be fun and refreshing. I enjoyed spending time with my friends, sharing in their toil, and tasting bits of their lives. I was stepping beyond the norm and experiencing it as someting new... something even more beautiful.
Today my older sister came into our apartment when I was least expecting it. I was laying on the floor thinking about what I was going to do with the day. I had already slept until 2:30. But there she was as I began to get ready to move to the computer lab. I was glad to have her company. She offered to make eggplant parmesan... so we scraped up the supplies and the ingredients, cooked, and ate. I have never had eggplant, and now I know I wasn't missing much. There is a buttery taste to it that really numbs my tongue. I'm not planing on eating it again. I tried really hard, but had to say my farewells to it in the end.
Thats when we started to talk. She wrote down all of the positives and negatives about staying in our apartment while I go to Japan, and she also wrote them down for her returning to Georgia. To me her negatives for moving to Georgia far outweighed her negatives for staying here. I feel that the hard road, is often the most rewarding. I have been learning that recently...
Speaking of her options really turn my attention to my own. My mind is telling me to stay in Charlotte and to not go to Japan. After all I could just avoid my fears forever and live a normal complacent life. I don't have to go through the Hell of a claustraphobic airplane trip across the world for 18 hours. And then sit through the tides of a forgein environment for a year. I could just sit comfortably at home for the rest of my life. But my heart is telling me NO! It says that I must step beyond my barriers and let nothing hedge me in and hold back the directional growth of my spirit. I don't want anything on this earth to hold the reins to my spiritual happiness.
In part I am growing to rebell against the stiffling stagnancy of a pointless existance. But then again, I really want to learn Japanese. And I want to learn so much more. Knowledge isn't held in just one place... it's scattered across the globe, ingrained in various perspectives, and flowing like an unfailing tide from one generation to the next. God moves through all of creation. He has no favorites, but takes joy in those who find Him and live by His word.
I have so much to do.
Today is her birthday. Happy Birthday!...
Today has been rather boring from an outside veiw, but there has been so much more to it than I can describe. I've learned things today, about myself, my friends, my family and my life.
The other night, I was watching TV and my ex-girlfriend called me. I really didn't feel like talking at the moment, but I could feel the warmth rolling off her tongue and the peace and love pouring from her heart. I let her speak... and as she did she sent drops of light across space and through the reciever of my cell phone... and once they entered my ear they burst into light across my mind. She told me that she was proud of me for being a strong man of God, and proud of how I never give into nonbelief. And that was it. But it really touched me that God would move her so much as to call me and tell me that with such love.
Last night I worked from 3 in the afternoon until 7 this morning. One of the managers had asked me to stay and take some overtime hours to help and push the freight from the trucks. I was going to go home... I was really, really tired... but at some point that night a revelation hit me. At once I knew that I would regret not having stayed to earn that extra money and lend that extra support to my frineds... I knew this regret was going to be far more painful than the toll of extended working and delayed sleep on my body, mind, and soul. So I stayed and proclaimed it to everyone standing there with me.
it turned out to be fun and refreshing. I enjoyed spending time with my friends, sharing in their toil, and tasting bits of their lives. I was stepping beyond the norm and experiencing it as someting new... something even more beautiful.
Today my older sister came into our apartment when I was least expecting it. I was laying on the floor thinking about what I was going to do with the day. I had already slept until 2:30. But there she was as I began to get ready to move to the computer lab. I was glad to have her company. She offered to make eggplant parmesan... so we scraped up the supplies and the ingredients, cooked, and ate. I have never had eggplant, and now I know I wasn't missing much. There is a buttery taste to it that really numbs my tongue. I'm not planing on eating it again. I tried really hard, but had to say my farewells to it in the end.
Thats when we started to talk. She wrote down all of the positives and negatives about staying in our apartment while I go to Japan, and she also wrote them down for her returning to Georgia. To me her negatives for moving to Georgia far outweighed her negatives for staying here. I feel that the hard road, is often the most rewarding. I have been learning that recently...
Speaking of her options really turn my attention to my own. My mind is telling me to stay in Charlotte and to not go to Japan. After all I could just avoid my fears forever and live a normal complacent life. I don't have to go through the Hell of a claustraphobic airplane trip across the world for 18 hours. And then sit through the tides of a forgein environment for a year. I could just sit comfortably at home for the rest of my life. But my heart is telling me NO! It says that I must step beyond my barriers and let nothing hedge me in and hold back the directional growth of my spirit. I don't want anything on this earth to hold the reins to my spiritual happiness.
In part I am growing to rebell against the stiffling stagnancy of a pointless existance. But then again, I really want to learn Japanese. And I want to learn so much more. Knowledge isn't held in just one place... it's scattered across the globe, ingrained in various perspectives, and flowing like an unfailing tide from one generation to the next. God moves through all of creation. He has no favorites, but takes joy in those who find Him and live by His word.
I have so much to do.
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